Why the R's are not going to lose (much) in November

besides, the r's are expert at making triumph and failure interchangeable...

The third all-important reason the Republicans will shake off modest losses this midterm election, and then beat the Democrats to death with their own severed legs, is ELECTION FRAUD.

don't bother with the first two reasons... they're relatively insignificant compared to #3...

The evil electronic voting machines have been installed far and wide, although it has now been revealed that a mongoloid penguin could break into these devices, reverse any election result it wished, and be gone inside of four minutes, leaving nothing behind but a stolen election and the faint aroma of herring. Let us remember the apocryphal quote attributed to Joe 'Laughing Boy' Stalin: "It's not the people who vote that count, it's the people that count the votes". There are other problems, too. Gerrymandering has proceeded apace, sealing off entire slabs of the landscape from Democrats. Black people will find the nearest polling station is five hours from where they live (or used to live before the hurricane). And the whole anti-immigrant maneuver wasn't just a Republican faux pas-- it had a severe dampening effect on the desire to vote of persons of the recent immigrant persuasion, just as the anti-gay legislative efforts have a dampening effect on the desire to vote of homosexual queers. People don't vote for revenge. They avoid voting for revenge. That's why the elections are being decided by a tiny percentage of eligible voters.

So there is my reasoning for why the Republicans will enjoy a surprise resurgence at the polls this November. If one wanted to add a few categories, there's the perennial favorite God, who will command millions of witless Americans to vote for Republicans. There's hate, which will drive many Americans to vote against fags and macacas and towelheads, regardless of other factors. There's misinformation, as what we consider to be 'data' is actually 'balderdash' (see The Path To 9/11I, et al). In the end, however, it will be an overarching failure of will on the part of the American people that accounts for the astonishing, last-minute surge the Republicans enjoy at the polls, leading them to what the utterly guileless news media will narrate as a 'near-disaster-but-actually- almost-a-second-chance-referendum-to-continue-to-lead', or 'benefit of the doubt' (it's coming, and it will be mind-blowing).

Even a modest failure will be regarded as a mighty triumph for the Republicans this November. And if there's one thing the Bush administration excels at, it's making triumph and failure interchangeable.

Submit To Propeller
Tweet