OMG... thanks to kos, i just stumbled on Belacqua Jones!

Dear George,

Things are looking pretty grim right now. Public support for the Iraq enterprise is draining away, some of your Neocon buddies are starting to grouse, generals are talking about the wheels falling off and you’ve got this Sheehan woman parked outside your ranch making you look like the callous asshole you are.

But George, no matter how dark the pit, take courage from the wisdom of the sage who said, “Every fart is perfume waiting to happen.” Right now you are staring a golden opportunity in the buttocks. God has given you the chance to prove to the world that you are a man’s man.

Show the American people that while you wimped out in Vietnam you will goddamn well stay in Iraq to the last drop of our children’s blood. Your courage will reinforce the Republican Party’s reputation for being tough on the living. I mean, my God, remind people of what ninnies the Democrats were. When the public soured on Vietnam, what did Johnson do? He cut and run, and let Vietnam fall to the Commies. The man was a slave to public opinion.

Look! The entire thrust of your administration has been to return this country to the glories of the 19th Century, the century that idealized the glory of death in combat. The highest nobility was being gut shot for your country. And the longer and more painful the death was, the greater the glory.

What nobler cause could the youth of America find than to be maimed and murdered just to show the world that we don’t back down from nobody, nowhere. Angels lift each mangled body heavenward as they croon America into the child’s dead ears. Let every town square in America sprout a marble monument listing their dead children. On the base of every monument chisel in stone the declaration, “They Died that We Might Consume.”

For a chickenhawk, there is more glory in defeat than in victory. The martyrdom of others is his redemption.

Your admirer,

Belacqua Jones

mr. jones, i am humbled by your masterful rhetoric... my hat is off to a far superior talent...

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